In April 2022, debut author B.L. Allen’s first book, To Haunt or Be Lost was made available for readers. I read it in October of this year, and when I got to chapter 21, I immediately knew that I wanted to highlight her book as one of my November posts. Chapter 21 highlights Thanksgiving, and while I’m sure other authors have done so in their work, it’s not something I have come across often in the books I read. 

Before we get to that chapter, let’s summarize To Haunt or Be Lost. The main character, Lori, is an only child in her early years of college. Lori has social anxiety and is studying art. Her younger cousin, Agatha, comes to live with Lori’s family when Agatha’s parents die in a car accident. Agatha and Lori don’t get along, and now have to live together and share a car. This puts Lori riding the bus to college every day where she meets a young man named Gabriel who she develops feelings for. Simultaneously, Lori gets thrown into Agatha’s desire to get vengeance on the other driver involved in the accident because they survived. And all of this requires Lori to dig up difficult memories from her past and finally heal from them using the help of the last beings she believed in: ghosts.

 Agatha and Lori have a rough past. They are both only children, and were forced into frequent sleepovers when they were kids. Agatha believes in ghosts and witchcraft, and Lori does not. During one of their sleepovers, an incident occurred where one of Agatha’s magical seances physically harmed Lori and sent her to the hospital. Not believing in magic, Lori is convinced that Agatha purposefully injured her; while Agatha stays firm in her claim that a spirit had possessed her and hurt Lori. Both Agatha’s and Lori’s parents believe Lori, and the two girls are no longer forced to see each other anymore. The next time they do see each other, it’s Thanksgiving at their grandparents house, and Lori is prepared to defend herself.  

Lori packs pepper spray because her parents have decided to forgive the whole incident, and she is expected to do the same. During dinner, Agatha makes faces at Lori from across the table, and even draws her finger across her neck while glaring. Towards the end of dinner, Agatha’s mom proposes everyone say what they are thankful for. It starts out as normal stuff: family, home, health, jobs, etc. When it gets to Lori, she says:

“I am thankful for pepper spray, which I can use to defend myself with if I’m in danger.”

Lori’s comment causes a short awkward silence. Then it’s Agatha’s turn, who says:

“I am thankful for this body that I am able to live in.”

And with those two comments, Thanksgiving was ruined. But was it really? Is it really Thanksgiving if that crazy family member doesn’t say something?

I enjoyed To Haunt or be Lost. I’ll admit, it took me a while to like Lori. I thought she was a judgmental spoiled brat in the beginning. But her redemption arc is well done. So, I reached out to B.L. Allen – okay, I admit, she’s my cousin, so it didn’t take much to send her an email – and she agreed to a digital interview! So, for the rest of the post, enjoy getting to know B.L. Allen. 

How did you come up with the storyline for To Haunt or Be Lost?

To Haunt or Be Lost was an idea that came to me rather quickly, in a way that I’m not sure I can fully explain. It was October of 2015 and I knew I wanted to participate in NaNoWriMo, which was only a couple weeks away. I had other story ideas, but I wasn’t excited about them at the time. One day I was goofing around with my husband when I threw a blanket over my head and said “I’m going to bury myself alive to cheat my way into the spirit world!” and at that moment a whole story started to click in my head, or at least that’s when a bunch of separate ideas conglomerated into one. I made a quick outline for the idea in a notebook, and then wrote the first draft that November.

Several key parts of the story were actually inspired by real life events, which is perhaps my way of taking “write what you know” a bit too literally. For example, when I was in college I took public transportation to school, which is at the center of a major plot point in the story. When I took the bus, there was this older woman who would sit next to me on the bus nearly every day, which lasted a few months I think. She never said anything to me, but she’d come straight to the seat next to mine and sit down quietly for a few stops before getting off. I thought maybe I felt like a safe person to her, since there are often creepy individuals who take the bus and it can be scary to talk to them. We had a strange unspoken agreement that we were “bus buddies” keeping each other safe, and I liked that. So in To Haunt or Be Lost, I took that idea of an unspoken friendship/agreement and made it a romance.

The story also involves repeated mentions of a worry doll, which I had no knowledge of until I was visiting my sister’s work one day. One of her co-workers had just come back from a trip to Guatemala, and had bought a bunch of worry dolls as souvenirs for everyone in the office. My sister and I each got one, and I really liked the concept of speaking to this tiny doll about your worries, putting it under your pillow, and letting it worry for you so that you wake up with a weight lifted off of you. Regrettably, I seem to have misplaced my worry doll, but I’m sure it’s in a box somewhere and I’ll find it again one day.

But perhaps the main focal point of To Haunt or Be Lost is the relationship between the main character, Lori, and her cousin, Agatha. At this point it shouldn’t be surprising that Agatha’s personality was directly taken from people I know in real life, although I won’t name names because if they’re reading this it might be awkward. I had one friend who was quite bubbly, but I also often butted heads with her. She was more of a friend who was convenient, but not really someone I meshed with very well. Lori and Agatha’s relationship is strongly inspired by my relationship with that particular friend. I had another friend who enjoyed witchcraft, and would teach us fun witchy things like how to predict the number of kids you’ll have and what letter your soulmate’s name will start with. This friend also would do tarot card readings for our group, which was especially fun around Halloween. I’m sure my mom wasn’t too happy about that, but it was all in good fun. Ultimately I combined my bubbly friend and my witch friend together into one character, and Agatha evolved into my favorite character in the book. Lori, on the other hand, happens to be my least favorite, but it might be because she’s a bit of a self-insert.

When it comes to communicating with the deceased, how much of the technique that Lori and Agatha do is research based and how much did you create for world building?

As far as how much of the spirit communication was made up and how much was based on research, I’d say it was about fifty-fifty. Some aspects I invented specifically as a means to progress the story, and other things I based on what I had read about. When it came to Bloody Mary, I tried to keep it as close to what the childhood game of summoning Bloody Mary might be like. The candles, the chanting of her name, the turning in circles and waiting for something to jump out and scare you…it was all part of that familiar sleepover experience many kids attempted with their friends and dared each other to do at one point. When I was a kid, my friends and I even went so far as convincing ourselves that our elementary school was haunted by Bloody Mary. Strange spots on the wall? Must be blood. A classmate acting strangely? Must be possessed. We were invested in this conspiracy and wholly believed we were ghost hunters on a mission to protect the school.

Agatha also performs seances, which do have some truth surrounding what a seance might look like such as holding hands and creating a circle of candles, but as far as chanting in Portuguese and painting blood symbols go, I’m pretty certain I made those things up if I remember correctly. Also something that’s central to the story is that believing in ghosts is what causes a person to be able to see them, thus explaining why Agatha can see ghosts, but Lori cannot. This was made up for the sake of the story progression, but I quite like how it played into certain plot twists.

One of the ghosts that Lori meets is Bloody Mary, who is supposed to be Mary Tudor or Mary I of England. When it came to her physical appearance and personality, how much was based on the historical record, the paranormal record, and your own imagination?

The chapter where Lori meets Bloody Mary is actually my favorite chapter in the book. She is strongly inspired by Mary Tudor and it’s implied in To Haunt or Be Lost that that’s who she was meant to be in life, but in reality it’s not entirely known if the legend of Bloody Mary stemmed from Mary Tudor or some other Mary. I based her physical appearance mostly on Mary Tudor, although I chose to describe her hair as black because I thought that might be creepier. As far as personality, I based it off of the supposed paranormal experiences surrounding Bloody Mary. Primarily, Bloody Mary is described as an evil and dangerous spirit, although sometimes is seen as friendly. I leaned into her evil side more, but also attempted to humanize her. I asked myself: if she was a real person, and if she were, for some reason, waiting to be summoned from bathroom mirrors at sleepovers all over the world, what might she say to these people? Anger and misery felt like the most appropriate emotions for her. Angry it’s a game to people, miserable to be haunting the earth forever, but also accepting this fate in a strange and twisted way.

Out of all the holidays you could have highlighted, what made you choose Thanksgiving?

The honest answer, which is a ridiculous answer but is absolutely true, is that it was Thanksgiving at the time I wrote it. Because it was a book I was writing for NaNoWriMo, which takes place in November each year, I was staying at my husband’s grandparents’ house for a few days that month while still trying to churn out the first draft of my story in only a month’s time. I was stuck and didn’t know how to progress the story, so what did I do? I took from my surroundings, which is a common trend for me. Because Thanksgiving was what was going on at the time, that’s what I wrote about. So stupid, but it actually turned out well in the end I think. It gave me an opportunity to highlight family dynamics that otherwise may have never been highlighted, especially since Agatha’s parents are known to be deceased at the start of the book. The Thanksgiving chapters, which are set in the past, help to show her parents and their personalities more, making it an extra gut-punch knowing that in the present time they are actually dead. I also had a unique opportunity to make Thanksgiving a little bit…creepy. Sure, Halloween might be the go-to holiday for ghosts, hauntings, and spooky things, but taking a holiday of gratitude and giving it a sinister twist with Agatha’s creepy behavior was strangely satisfying.

Is there anything from Lori’s Thanksgiving dinner that was inspired from your own Thanksgiving memories? What are your Thanksgivings like?

Thanksgiving is one of those holidays that varies from year to year. It all depends on which side of the family I’m spending it with. In my husband’s family, they have the tradition of going around the room and asking everyone to name one thing they are grateful for, which is exactly what Lori’s family does as well. Fortunately though, my Thanksgivings don’t typically feature a crazy cousin out to kill me. 

What’s the next step in your writing career?

I’ve now had a taste of the self-publishing world and have learned a lot. I’ve done some things right, and some things horribly wrong, but going into it I knew that the first book was primarily going to be a learning experience. I should probably note I was only 21 when I wrote the first draft of To Haunt or Be Lost, and I’m nearly 28 now. To say my writing has evolved tremendously over the years would be an understatement, and my next book will have so many more layers and depth than past stories I’ve written. Although I suspect that my second book will be a learning experience as well, I already know many ways I’m going to approach my next book differently. I’m currently working on another standalone book, and this time it will be longer than my first book and will also be less inspired by people and events in my personal life. In fact, it’s more largely inspired by various religions and cultures around the world, and of course it’s a ghost story because those are the types of stories I like the most. Get ready for heavy topics like suicide, familiar legendary beings like the Grim Reaper, as well as heartbreaking backstories for a wide array of characters. Don’t worry, I’m sprinkling in some dark humor and an overarching theme of hope as well. I refuse to believe the afterlife is meant to be bleak, although perhaps it can seem that way. I will be self-publishing again, and my next book should release sometime next year, although I do consider myself a professional procrastinator. Once I feel like a more seasoned author, I might try my hand at traditional publishing. 

I hope you enjoyed learning about B.L. Allen and her writing inspiration. To Haunt or Be Lost currently averages 4.17 stars on goodreads and 4.6 stars on Amazon. It can be purchased as a digital copy or paperback. 

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