Here’s a Parenting Book if You Hate Parenting Books
I’m going off topic with this book review. I normally read and review fantasy, romance, and historical fiction. But a few months ago, I bought a book to help me be a better mom to my children, and it was so revolutionary for me, that I need to share it with you.
First off, I have avoided parenting books like the plague for years. The first few that I tried were not helpful at all, so I decided I was one of those parents who is going to have to figure it out on my own. Then I became desperate.
One of my children exhibits some ODD behavior, but they don’t check enough boxes to actually be diagnosed. So, I needed something that wasn’t medical help. I googled “books for parenting children with ODD”. I ended up on reddit and comment after comment (on someone else’s question) recommended Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Krucinka.
This book has been life changing.
First, it helped me understand where my children fall on the “spirited spectrum” or their temperament. There are 9 categories to being spirited: Intensity, Persistence, Sensitivity, Perceptiveness, Adaptability, Regularity, Energy, First Reaction, and Mood. Spirited children do not have to be “extreme” in all 9 categories, but there was a point system that helped me use my children’s behavior to determine where they land. One is “spunky” and one is “spirited.”
Then I tested my own temperament as a parent, and I am a “spunky” parent.
The next part of the book talked about introverts and extroverts. What that looks like in spirited children, how each one regulates differently, and how to recognize cues that they need to refill their buckets. There was another quiz in which I learned that all of my children are extroverts, and I am right smack in the middle. This was very eye opening for me because some of our biggest dramas are when we get home from me being at work and them being at school/daycare. They want my attention right away, and I need 20-30 minutes to decompress. I am a school teacher. So after a full day of working with other kids, I need a short break before I spend the rest of the evening with my own.
So after this revelation, we created a schedule, everyone gets to talk my ear off on the drive home, telling me as much as they want, and I interact accordingly. Then when we get home, they eat a snack while I get alone time in my room. When their snack is over, I’ve gotten my break and we move on to homework.
A big part of the book is getting to the root of your child’s behavior and learning to recognize their cues that they are getting overwhelmed. Then, as your child grows, you teach them how to recognize their own triggers before things escalate. This is where other parenting books have been unhelpful for me, and why I gave up on parenting books so early on in my motherhood years.
One particular chapter was a huge lightbulb for me: Ch. 16 Bedtime and Night Waking. As I read that chapter, it became clear to me that this was the big one for one of my children. Everyone handles not enough sleep differently, but one of my children cannot regulate their emotions when they don’t get enough sleep. Their tantrums are worse. The fighting, the talking back, the arguing. Everything is exacerbated tenfold when they don’t get enough sleep. And they are also a child who absolutely needs 10 hours a night. So, we’ve adjusted the bedtime routine to make sure they get enough sleep.
There’s a lot more in this book than what I covered. And that’s the beauty of this book. There is a chapter that will be the chapter for different kids in different families. The introvert/extrovert and sleep chapters were what I needed.
If you’re struggling with parenthood in any capacity and other parenting literature have not been helpful, I recommend Raising Your Spirited Child.
Chelsey M. Ortega 