mental health

Here’s a Parenting Book if You Hate Parenting Books

Posted on by Chelsey M. Ortega

I’m going off topic with this book review. I normally read and review fantasy, romance, and historical fiction. But a few months ago, I bought a book to help me be a better mom to my children, and it was so revolutionary for me, that I need to share it with you.

First off, I have avoided parenting books like the plague for years. The first few that I tried were not helpful at all, so I decided I was one of those parents who is going to have to figure it out on my own. Then I became desperate. 

One of my children exhibits some ODD behavior, but they don’t check enough boxes to actually be diagnosed. So, I needed something that wasn’t medical help. I googled “books for parenting children with ODD”. I ended up on reddit and comment after comment (on someone else’s question) recommended Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Krucinka. 

This book has been life changing. 

First, it helped me understand where my children fall on the “spirited spectrum” or their temperament. There are 9 categories to being spirited: Intensity, Persistence, Sensitivity, Perceptiveness, Adaptability, Regularity, Energy, First Reaction, and Mood. Spirited children do not have to be “extreme” in all 9 categories, but there was a point system that helped me use my children’s behavior to determine where they land. One is “spunky” and one is “spirited.”

Then I tested my own temperament as a parent, and I am a “spunky” parent.

The next part of the book talked about introverts and extroverts. What that looks like in spirited children, how each one regulates differently, and how to recognize cues that they need to refill their buckets. There was another quiz in which I learned that all of my children are extroverts, and I am right smack in the middle. This was very eye opening for me because some of our biggest dramas are when we get home from me being at work and them being at school/daycare. They want my attention right away, and I need 20-30 minutes to decompress. I am a school teacher. So after a full day of working with other kids, I need a short break before I spend the rest of the evening with my own.  

So after this revelation, we created a schedule, everyone gets to talk my ear off on the drive home, telling me as much as they want, and I interact accordingly. Then when we get home, they eat a snack while I get alone time in my room. When their snack is over, I’ve gotten my break and we move on to homework.

A big part of the book is getting to the root of your child’s behavior and learning to recognize their cues that they are getting overwhelmed. Then, as your child grows, you teach them how to recognize their own triggers before things escalate. This is where other parenting books have been unhelpful for me, and why I gave up on parenting books so early on in my motherhood years.

One particular chapter was a huge lightbulb for me: Ch. 16 Bedtime and Night Waking. As I read that chapter, it became clear to me that this was the big one for one of my children. Everyone handles not enough sleep differently, but one of my children cannot regulate their emotions when they don’t get enough sleep. Their tantrums are worse. The fighting, the talking back, the arguing. Everything is exacerbated tenfold when they don’t get enough sleep. And they are also a child who absolutely needs 10 hours a night. So, we’ve adjusted the bedtime routine to make sure they get enough sleep. 

There’s a lot more in this book than what I covered. And that’s the beauty of this book. There is a chapter that will be the chapter for different kids in different families. The introvert/extrovert and sleep chapters were what I needed. 


If you’re struggling with parenthood in any capacity and other parenting literature have not been helpful, I recommend Raising Your Spirited Child.

Meet Elizabeth Packard: Women’s Rights Activist

Posted on by Chelsey M. Ortega

Elizabeth Wells Packard is not on the list of “25 of the Most Influential Women in American History” She’s not on the list of 41 women, 50, or even 125 women. But her name needs to be known. And you need to know what she did for you, your mothers, your wives, your sisters, and your daughters.

On a recent trip to Barnes & Noble, this title caught my eye:

After reading the blurb, I didn’t hesitate to purchase this gem of a biography. Kate Moore weaves an emotional and beautiful narrative of Elizabeth Packard’s strenuous life during the 1860s. A woman whose only crime was to have a different religious and political opinion from her husband. Such absurdity at the time was medically considered insane, imprisoning Elizabeth behind the walls of the Jacksonville Asylum. Elizabeth spent several years trying to get out, and once she was out, she was not done fighting. Her next goal was to get the laws changed that put her there. Ms. Moore writes in the style of narrative nonfiction, giving us the facts in the form of a story. My blood boiled for the majority of the book, but Elizabeth’s triumph made the emotional rollercoaster worth it.

So, let’s meet Elizabeth Wells Packard. (Note: Everything written below comes from what I learned in Kate Moore’s book. All credit for deeper research goes to her.)

Elizabeth married a man fourteen years her senior – which wasn’t a cause for raised eyebrows at the time, but certainly led to her husband’s erroneous belief that he could spend his marriage days controlling her. 

Theophilus Packard was a preacher, which allowed Elizabeth a religious education. Shouldn’t the preacher’s wife know the Bible? In her studies, Elizabeth went beyond her husband’s teachings and explored other philosophies (this is at the tail end of the Second Great Awakening, afterall). Elizabeth thought it would be okay to share her new thoughts in her Bible Studies class. What Elizabeth didn’t know was Theophilus was receiving pressure from his financial backers to preach certain agendas in the wake of the looming Civil War. (Isn’t communication in marriage a beautiful thing?) Those agendas were the exact opposite of Elizabet’s new beliefs.

As tensions in their home rose, Elizabeth left her husband’s church, and began attending a church across town. This was the final straw for Theophilus. He locked Elizabeth in the nursery, and got two doctors to sign a certificate stating that Elizabeth was insane. On the day he planned to move her, he sent their 6 children on different errands and to different babysitters so they would not see their mother cartered off, and so the older ones could not come to her defense. He then brought in several trusted minions to manhandle Elizabeth out of her home, to the train station, and onto the train. Elizabeth was smart. She knew if she fought, then the unintelligent society she lived in would believe her insane. So she remained calm, stoic, and gave her kidnappers her dead weight as they carried her through the town. 

Theophilus accompanied Elizabeth to the Jacksonville Asylum in Illinois, and after dropping her off, would not see her again for quite some time. Theophilius placed her in the hands of the resident doctor, Andrew McFarland.

Dr. McFarland was smarter than Theophilus. After meeting with Elizabeth, he led her to believe that he did not think her insane, and that she would be out in a few months. During those few months, Dr. McFarland met with Elizabeth every day, letting her talk herself into a deeper hole (unbeknownst to her). 

According to Dr. McFarland, Elizabeth was not insane due to her religious beliefs. She was insane because she hated her husband. A sane woman would obey her husband. A sane woman would love her husband. A sane woman would forgive her husband for putting her in an asylum and agree to obey him in order to be released from the asylum. Elizabeth would do no such thing, so she remained there for about three years. 

During her time there, Dr. McFarland tried to break her by preventing her letters being delivered (both written to and by her), taking away her nice clothes, books, and writing supplies, and eventually moving her to the worst part of the hospital for women: 8th Ward. While in 8th Ward, Elizabeth experienced emotional abuse from the staff, and physical abuse from specific patients (these were the only patients that Elizabeth truly believed were insane). She also witnessed horrible physical abuse given to the other patients. 

Elizabeth was really good at making friends. And so, over time she was able to convince staff members to sneak her reading and writing materials into her new room. And during this time she wrote two full length books. One was all about the sins of Dr. McFarland, the other about the problems of her modern-day mental health system, religion, and women’s rights.

Elizabeth requested a meeting with the Board of Trustees, and was surprisingly granted a presentation with them. Dr. McFarland came, and so did Theophilus. But just like with the other patients and staff, Elizabeth won the Board over, and they commanded Dr. McFarland to release her within the next few months. Her release date came and went, but Elizabeth continued to write and pester Dr. McFarland. 

Eventually, Dr. McFarland admitted she was more bothersome inside the Jacksonville Asylum than he could handle, and he released her. Theophilus dropped her off with her cousin and forbade her from visiting him and their children. Elizabeth planned to do no such thing, and took out a loan from her friends to take a train to her hometown. She walked right into her old house, and it was a giant mess. Her only daughter was forced to become a homemaker at 11 years old, and is now a traumatized 14 year old. Theophilus had brainwashed their children against her, and they would only obey their father. Elizabeth became an invisible nuisance in her own home. 

Theophilus locked her in the nursery again, and she discovered he’s preparing her a place in another asylum, this time, for life. If she enters those doors, she isn’t coming out until she is dead. Her friends got the legal help that was denied her three years prior, and her sanity was officially on trial in the county court. 

This is one of the most amazing court cases I’ve ever read. And I can’t do it justice. Just read the book. In the end, Elizabeth won. She won against all those men who wanted to lock her away for life. BUT she is only free in the state of Illinois, and Theophilus still has legal control over their children. Ever the sore loser, Theophilus took off with their children and moved to Massachusetts. 

Elizabeth would then spend the next several years lobbying state government after state government to get the laws changed across the country. After another showdown with Dr. McFarland, she was successful. And because of Elizabeth Packard, women cannot be placed in asylums just because their husbands wish it. Because of Elizabeth Packard, women received a huge step in progress to their legal rights over their mental health and personal property. Because of Elizabeth Packard, the treatment of mental health patients started the process of improving. 

Elizabeth would get reunited with her children, and begrudgingly, her husband. They never divorced, but they also remained in separate dwellings for the rest of their lives. They stayed cordial in order to both have access to their children. The two books Elizabeth wrote while imprisoned got published and she lived off the sales of those popular volumes and the charity of her adult children. She is an amazing example of determination, passion, and perseverance.

Have you read about Elizabeth Packard before? What are your thoughts on her accomplishments? What other biographies would you recommend? Let me know in the comments!